


Hammerfest

by Lydia_Pickled_Herring



Category: Emperor (Band)
Genre: Bad Sex, Black Metal, Comedy, M/M, Sex, awkward crushes, black metal boiz not being very black metal, dirty talking, norwegians being norwegians, travelling, varg gets mentioned?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 21:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18432029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lydia_Pickled_Herring/pseuds/Lydia_Pickled_Herring
Summary: Samoth and Ihsahn go on vacation! Ihsahn tries to convince himself Samoth is ugly and Samoth ends up putting Fanny Hill to shame!





	Hammerfest

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy lol... Man I hope the members of Emperor never find this..

When Tomas has decided something, he's decided it for good. There's no stopping him.  
I sigh out a thin, white cloud as I lean against the wooden hut, hugging my leather jacket close. It's fucking freezing out here in Hammerfest. I'm meant to be waiting for Tomas to finish making plans with this Nils Torbensen fucker yet all I am doing is exhausting my cigarette stash.

We were supposed to be here on a short vacation, since Tomas is a wealthy, _wealthy_ sunova bitch and has property. But Varg Vikernes caught wind of the good news and came to us, asking for a little favour.  
I said _'fuck no',_ Tomas said that I just didn't see the value of having Varg Vikernes on our team. So thus, here we were, standing in a field of ice, talking anarchist's cookbook with Nils Torbensen. I was originally batting for Tromsø but according to Tomas, two men renting a hotel in the so-called 'Paris of The North' hurt his fragile masculinity too much. Don't make me laugh.  
I cross and uncross my legs, banging my head to try and say Hurry! The! Fuck! Up!  
I can't understand a single word Nils is saying but since Tomas was born in this lot of ice, it reminds me that he talks Nordnorsk sometimes. It's annoying and I hate that. I spit out brown sludge and walk along the perimeter. By the third round, Tomas is finally out, dusting his palms.

"Took you long enough." I snap, watching him pull up his coat-hood. It's grey.  
He pushes aside a few black tendrils, the ones that stick to his mousy face, and replies:

"I told you to pack warmer coats, this isn't your _Notodden."_  
"And you can tell me a hundred times more but it won't change that I didn't. Let's go. Did you do what Varg asked you to do?" I say, already charging in front of him, my leather shoes becoming cold with every press into the crisp snow. I knew it was Northernmost, I guess I just didn't know _how_ Northernmost. Spare me, I grew up on a small patch of land and haven't been much else, I didn't know it could get colder than that.  
"I did." He nods, quickly catching up to me.

When Tomas grows up a little more, I think he's going to be very good looking. Of course that's just leeway to say he's very _not_ good looking right now. He has snot running down his face. I reach into my coat pocket for a napkin and hand it to him, cringing with disgust as he wipes and then chucks the used, now greened, Kleenex into the snow. Ew. He's my best friend, it's the only reason why I put up with it. We've been around each other forever now.  
You'd think we would calm down once we hit seventeen or so but we still do a lot of our shit together. It's easier that way. When we get home, I have to hang up Tomas' coat because he decided it'd be simpler to just throw it on the ground and be done with. I watch him walk into the kitchen. He's so skinny, man. His legs are like twigs and his purple sweater hangs down his collarbones. I used to make fun of how in puberty, Tomas got taller but I got stronger, but I stopped doing that when I realized that his parents were giving him shit too. He eats another open-faced sandwich with salted herring (he eats at least one of them every two hours) before washing his plate and turning on the news.  
"Looks like the guys back in Oslo are having fun..." He mumbles as the newscaster covers yet another church burning. 

"Yeah." I say, sitting down next to him. I tuck my chin over my knees. Nice going, Varg, I think. Someday this will all end in fire.  
Tomas puffs his lips up, leaning back against the magenta cushions.  
"Wish you were there?" I ask although if I'm being honest, I hope that he doesn't. God knows Tomas needs a breather being 'The Lord of Silence'. 

The universe answers my prayers when he shakes his head and says, "Nah, I'm glad I'm here with you."  
I don't answer to that but I wonder if the 'with you' is an accidental slip of the tongue. Me and Tomas have always been a little weird— we're close like family. We met when we were thirteen, at this rock seminar in Bergen. It was magnetic almost, like and Tomas were made to make music together. Of course he annoyed me though, in fact, he was annoying me now because he smells like salted herring. It makes me want a salted herring sandwich.  
While I go make myself that, Tomas goes to call Varg.  
I think this is what you would call 'domestic bliss' and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like this. I like this a lot. Probably more than I should. I don't know when it started but Tomas started giving me this.... weird feeling. It felt like we were on a roller coaster. Whenever I looked at him I started wanting to be close to him somehow. I know it's not mutual because Tomas already had a girl he liked. In fact, he never shut up about how much he wanted to fuck her. In a way I'm almost okay with that. I'm not really alright about gay people, why would I be alright with myself being gay? It wasn't like it hurt, it just felt... exciting, but in an unwelcome way. My chemicals were happy to see Tomas, not me.  
I watched him in the shower once, on the first day here, because I was curious about what it would do to me. It turned out that it did a lot of things to me. I thought that everything that happens afterwards as a hallucination. 

"Why are you watching me, Vegard?" He asked, sliding the glass door aside so that I could see what was a slight blur before. 

I realized that I'd been standing there like a dead fish, I closed my mouth and stammered before my eyes fell to his crotch.  
"If you wanna watch it's alright." He told me with what wasn't quite a smirk, "Even better if you wanna join." He was _still_ tugging it, not missing a heartbeat. 

Even as I was taking steps towards him, I felt the urge to remind him, "You're gross."  
Then his lips turned into what was a smirk, his hands grabbed my face, hauling it into the steam as he kissed me sloppily. I could smell the body wash, something green and spicy, the heat of his body radiating. My hair and shirt collar quickly became wet and weighed down. 

I started slowly undoing the buttons. I knew that since Tomas wasn't girl, Tomas wouldn't be impressed. I was stately, strong, but not bulky. Tomas pushed my curly hair out of the way and snickered as I started to slip the leather pants down. 

"Is this the next milestone in our bromance, Tomas? Messing around in the shower?" I stopped when I got to my boxers. 

Tomas was still smiling wit that oddly curved lip of nis, like all of this was fucking hil-a-rious.  
"Hey, all I said is that you can jerk off too, don't twist my words." He said and I wasn't quick enough to remind him that he just put his mouth on mine. I rolled my eyes, "Sure, fine. I bet my cock's bigger." Did that come out too defensively?  
"Prove it." I took off my underwear and held it up with a sly smile.  
"Your hands are just smaller."  
"My hands are pretty fucking big, I don't know what the hell you're talking about." I frowned as the hot water began to pelt at my back. Man, was I ever tired; my hair was sticking to my body and when Tomas told me to jerk myself off I did.  
"Dude."  
"What?"  
"How do you do it like that?" Tomas asked as I slowed down my hand. I was getting into it, I didn't need Tomas interrupting me. I'd only _just_ convinced myself that the squirt of blue body wash in the corner of the tub as excellent masturbation fodder.  
"Do what like that?" Was I doing something unusual? I was under the impression that I had a rather typical way of getting myself off.  
"You look... good." He said and my eyes widened.

"As opposed to _what?"_ I asked, wrinkling my nose. I was a bit of an aesthete, the idea of Tomas thinking that I could ever do something that wasn't pretty offended me in an irrational way.

"I don't know, for some reason it's turning me on." Tomas responded, like it was the most natural thing in the world.  
"You're weird." His hand went to my thigh, rubbing up and down as his chin rested against my shoulder. 

"You were watching me though." He snickered softly.  
"Fine then we're both weird." I dismissed, looking at his face. 

I thought that Tomas could use a lot of work on his appearance. His eyebrows were thin, yet messy, meeting in the middle with a crease. He had big, round blue eyes and a large, beak-like nose. 

Poorly dyed black hair hung in his face, clashing with how blond his eyebrows are— _dammit,_ he looked bad. _Ugly,_ almost. Or at least that's what I was trying to tell myself. He was so skinny, not in a girlish way, but in a gangly way.  
"Keep going." He urged before tilting his head up to peck at my lips. 

I swallowed his breath, it tasted like cigarettes and _potato chips._  
I continued to pump my fist up and down. He started off by just touching my thighs, which was strange in its own right— equally as strange as him watching over me as I masturbate. But hey, I started it, no? I sighed, deciding to go slow and steady before I felt his mouth on my shoulders and neck.  
"Tomas..." I whispered, trying to tell him to stop. I felt him turn me towards him, the head of his leaking cock hitting my hipbone. He kissed me again, this time harder as his hands held my face, stroking my skin like it was porcelain. I liked to tell myself that I was the handsome one. I made an actual effort to look good. I was slightly taller and cat-faced. I kept my messy hair under control, even though Tomas liked to play with it.  
I was not like Tomas, haphazard and baggy, and yet still, more women seemed to prefer him. 

I pulled away to look at him. What a child, not even a man! And he was older than me!! Still, we leaned in at the same time, ready to kiss even more. He backed me up into the corner, the heat of his body and the steam defrosting my limbs.  
Taking a leap of faith, I slowly reached out and wrapped my fingers around him. I was a little afraid that he would react badly, and ask me why I was touching his dick. Maybe there was something in the bro-code that stated even if you were messing around with each other, _thou shalt not touch another bro’s penis._  
"Oh man..." he whispered, as if surprised. 

His quivering body pressing against me even more. I went harder on him, relishing in the power. His face contorted in a way that was attractive to me, taking a deep, gasping breath before aggressively grabbing my cock. 

"Fucking hell, Tomas!" I hissed as he made out with me. My hips arched into his hands as his tongue pushed deeper into my mouth. His grip was incredible, better than my own or my ex girlfriend's. As his tongue was making its rounds in my mouth, a terrible idea came to mind.  
"If you suck my dick, I swear I'll do anything you want." I breathed, my mind set on fire.  
"What if I said 'let me fuck your ass'?" He asked, breathing heavy.  
"Why the hell would you want to do that?" I paled. My cock would even probably wilted if Tomas wasn't touching it. 

He shrugged, tilting his head as he thought for a second "Well, Britt doesn't exactly like me back so..."  
"So you want to use my ass as a surrogate pussy?" I frowned and Tomas shrugged again,  
"Weeell, you're here, I'm here, you're horny, I'm horny...."  
"You're willing to fuck your best friends ass?" I repeated for clarifications. 

That made things sound gross all over again. Tomas gestured to where both of our hands were, that is, wrapped around each other's peens. _Shit._

"Vegard, I think you're being a bit selective over here." I blanked out, tripping down an abyss full of existential dread.

When that didn't work he just got between my legs and gave me what I thought I wanted.  
My eyes widened as he grabbed my cock and slowly lead it into his mouth. His tongue stroked the underside, his lips wrapping around the base as I instinctively pulled my hips back before pushing in. I watched his cock twitch and it encouraged me to do it again, my hand grabbing his hair as I moaned, louder that time. 

His mouth was much, _much_ better, his fingers clinging at my hips, leaving his cock in full view. I cried out as he hollowed his cheeks, using the delirium to press me chest-first into the shower wall.  
"I'm fucking you, Vegard." He didn't say as much as he breathed that out. I snapped out of it, feeling him reach out for whatever he could use as lube— hair conditioner. Oh fuck, what a manipulative bastard...  
"I'm going to fuck you and you're going to enjoy it and wish it would happen more than once in your life." He sounded too convinced, to the point where it was verging of being maniacal slash comedic. 

I would've reminded him of that if it wasn't the outright nastiness in which he did everything. It didn't take long, in fact, it probably should've taken longer before he was pushing his FUCKING _WILLY_ into my ass. I grunted, balling my fists up as I felt him lather up more conditioner. 

"Tomas, don't." I warned, ready to provide him with an analogy about my darling, little rosebud being a big, red DO NOT FUCKING PRESS ME!! button. 

"I'm already in." But he said as I made an undignified squealing noise. He pulled back before slowly sawing back in. That's literally what it felt like, he was _sawing_ me open. Tomas was a saw and I was a sad, rotting piece of wood. Fuck me...  
"It hurts..." I whispered, my forehead creasing as I felt something harden in my chest.  
"I'll make it feel good. Promise." He murmured, stroking my stomach, his fingers lingering along the muscle. He sounded a little too tender for me there so I hissed, 

"Just hurry up and bloody take what you want from me!"  
So, he did it again and it hurt more before it began to hurt less. My stomach still lurched and I wasn't sure if it was from pain or because I had the vague premonition that Tomas' imagination was vivid enough to pretend I was somebody else. 

Why was I even insulted? Because I wanted Tomas to be fucking me because I'm me? It didn't matter because eventually we stopped giving a fuck.  
"Yeah, you like that, don't you? You like how it feels to get your ass fucked?" He growled, banging me into the wall as his bony chest pressed into mine.  
"Oh my god, just shut the fuck up and cum already, you are annoying!!!!” I replied with a shout, feeling my dick get sandwiched between us. 

He slammed harder into me as I groaned, nails digging into his shoulder.  
"I bet you're gonna cum with a dick up your ass, how's that for all big and mighty?" He taunted, pumping me as I threw my head back, purposely hitting it hard against the tiles. The pain rang through my head, Tomas using the opportunity to bite and suck my neck. The dirty talk was bad but the sex was decent. I began to wish I could go temporarily deaf as my hand grabbed the shelf overhead for balance. My stomach caved when he slammed into me again, but this time it felt _amazing._

"Oh my god..." The noise that came from me was pathetic as he found just the right angle.  
"Don't do that." I begged as warmth spread through my chest. 

When Tomas realized just I was referring to, he made a point of continuing, touching my jaw as the ball in my stomach tightened. Was I a test dummy or something? He seemed fascinated. 

"Do it the other way, this is getting—"  
"--Good." He completed although I was actually going to say 'too close'.  
"Man... you're getting so tight, why the fuck would you want me to stop?" He said with a small moan, staring at me. His fingers explored my body and the appreciation was...interesting. In turn, I put my hands on his hips, feeling them rock into me. 

Our lips connected as the ball in my chest expanded, my body moving with his until he came, filling me with cum. I gasped, feeling him thrust through the slickness, suddenly it became to much to me and that was the end of that. Just like that, dirty, embarrassing, in a shower and _I_ was the one with the dick up my ass.  
I angrily chew on my sandwich. Fucking hell! We made a silent pact never to mention it ever again. It was weird, so let it be weird. You can't take it back, now can you?  
I flip open my notebook and grabbed my pen, clicking it open. Most guys would probably get on the first train ride back to Oslo after something like that, but not me and Tomas. Awkward is our second nature and if we can outlive the pitfalls of puberty together we could outlive this. It wasn't that big of a deal. We fucked, so what? He came through the back door and nearly recited the majority of Fanny Hill while doing it. Totally normal.

My knees go weak as I hit my forehead against the wooden counter. We _fucked_ , that's exactly what. 

Raising my head, I look around. It's a nice place, real swanky. Tomas got lucky in life so I guess I'm also sorta lucky to know him. He can talk industry, I can talk harmony until my dying breath. That's just how it works.  
Sighing, I push it all out of my mind and continue to revise lyrics until the next thing I know it's nightfall and Tomas is in the kitchen again. 

“Let's go." He says with literally no context, wearing this obnoxious Christmas sweater.

"What? Where?" I knit my eyebrows together.  
I required a twenty-four hour notice before any change of plans.  
“The northern lights, I know a place where we can get a good view of them." He says. Ah, see, that makes more sense. With a grumble, I shut the notebook. "Alright..." so much for that notice.

"Layer up." He says as I stand up, "It's gonna be cold up there."  
"'It's gonna be cold up there'." I mock, "Yeah, I know."  
While I go layering up my sweaters until I resemble something akin to a marshmallow, Tomas makes some chai. 

"I'm ready." I say solemnly, the cabin smelling of spices. One look at me makes Tomas laugh, 

“Vegard, I said layer up, not cosplay as Poppin' Fresh."  
"Shut up and just show me the way." I frown, noticing the way his cheeks turn a slight red tint mid-smile. If I've just reminded him of what I think I've reminded him, then he doesn't let on easy.  
It's a short hike until we reach the summit and man is it ever fucking cold... Sitting down on the only part of the ground that isn't covered in snow, Tomas pours me some tea.  
"Nice, isn't it?" He says as the ribbons of colour bleed across the sky.  
"Yeah, but it's not like we haven't seen it a million times." I shrug, taking a sip of tea. I look over the cliff, you can see all of Hammerfest from up here.  
"Bastard! This was a special place!" He laughs as I roll my eyes, "Sorry, guess I'm hard to please."  
"You're not that hard to please." He teases and this time it's my turn to go silent. I take another sip of tea. If I'm being honest, it's nice being up here with Tomas, even if it's just as two childhood friends. It's nice for it to just be the two of us. There's nothing really evil or grim about sitting here in sweaters, drinking chai tea while watching the northern lights... but I think the both of us can give ourselves a break and resume our place as the Dark Lord's faithful henchmen upon arriving back to Oslo. Right now it's just him and I, two nineteen year olds, watching the Northern lights.  
I feel him shift closer.  
"Hey, Vegard?"  
"Yeah?"  
Our shoulders hit as his head finds its place on my clavicle. My eyes remain glued to the sky. I hear him swallow and take a deep breath.  
"Remember how we--"  
"No." I quickly shoot down, feeling him quickly curl back into himself. "Alright."  
He takes a sip of tea to hide his face but accidentally burns his tongue instead. 

I watch with a small laugh as he fans his tongue and decide to let my guard drop for a second. This is Tomas after all, Tomas who I've been around virtually all of my life... If there's anyone worthy of my vulnerability... then would it not be him?

"I've changed my mind. Finish your sentence." I say.  
He looks at me confused, his tongue still wagging out as he asks, "Wath do you mean?"  
I narrow my eyes, "I know what you're talking about, I'm telling you to finish what you were saying." 

His tongue pulls back into his mouth and he shakes his head.  
"That? Forget about it, it's not important." He dismisses. What? No! No, that's not how that works!  
"I'm curious."  
"Drop it, its fine." He says and something in me begins to boil over, "Tomas!"  
"What?" He looks over at me, almost coldly.  
"You're making me feel like a fucking nag! Just tell me what you're thinking of al--" He lunges over and kisses me silent.  
I stumble over, falling on my elbows as his knees hit each side of my hip. His lips taste like cinnamon, when he pulls away, I hold his chin and guide him back, realizing that I've been yearning for him. 

"Vegard..." he whispers, as if to feel what it's like to breathe it out like that. But hey, at least he can still string syllables together into something cohesive, the sound that passes through my lips is unintelligible.  
We kiss more, until my back's on the icy floor as my knee is deep between Tomas' legs.  
"I wanted to say..." he pants out, hovering above me. He straightens himself out and since he spilled his last cup of tea, he takes a sip straight from the thermos, "That I think we should mess around a little more."  
My ears perk up, taking the thermos away from him, "Yeah?"  
"Yeah." He leans in to kiss me, mouth full of tea. 

"Just one more time?"  
"Just for the vacation?" I suggest into his lips, feeling chai dribble down my jaw. What an embarrassment...  
"Maybe past that too... God, I really like you, Vegard." His arms are around my neck.  
"I really like you too, Tomas." I admit as our foreheads hit against each other, 

"It's not like anybody has to know about us, right? It can be another one of our many secrets." He murmurs as I laugh: 

"Right, nobody has to know. It'll be our little secret." 

And if they can't accept it, why _should_ they know?  
"I love you, Vegard." He murmurs.  
"I love you too."  
And the rest is history.


End file.
